Wavering
by queenly
Summary: Naivety is our greatest adversary. KawoShin, oneshot.


**A/N: oh hey look at that an nge fanfic...**

**do ppl even still write nge fanfics ? well they do now B)**

**anyway. yeah. sorry i haven't written in so long. just so unmotivated. funny thing is this took me like two hours from start to finish yet i couldn't find time throughout my ENTIRE SUMMER to complete a single damn drabble smh smh.**

**hhhhh this gets p confusing, but hopefully you can follow along with what happens. lets see how this goes.**

_Worth being favourable..._

_You betrayed me!_

_I mean, I love you._

_You betrayed me, just like my father!_

_I love you, Shinji. And it is for that reason, I must be destroyed, in order to save you, to save the Lillum._

_Kaworu...why?_

_I really was born to meet you, Shinji._

_You betrayed me!_

_Destroy me._

_He...he can't be!_

_Fate brought us together._

_Why?!_

_Protect..._

_Kaworu!_

_I mean, I love you._

_Worth being favourable?_

_I mean, I love you._

_You betrayed me, just like my father!_

_I really was born to meet you, Shinji._

_Kaworu!_

_The Lillum..._

_You betrayed me!_

_I love you, Shinji._

A splash, a flash, a startled gasp. His eyelids tore open suddenly, staring forward at nothing, at darkness. The music player clicked dully, restarting to the first song of the ever repeating playlist, none of which had been heard. He absently brushed the earbud out, letting it drop onto the mattress along side its match, having fallen out hours ago during his fitful slumber.

'_That...dream...'_

Soft sliding of the door alerted him, just then realizing he'd been alone in the normally shared bed.

"Shinji...?"

"K-Kaworu..."

Kaworu's figure was illuminated with an angelic aura from the hallway light, his gentle smile just visible to Shinji. Padding over, Kaworu placed himself behind the boy, draping lanky arms across Shinji's shoulders.

"Kaworu...where-"

"Using the restroom. I apologize, I shouldn't have left you alone."

Shinji pathetically shook his head. "N-No...it's fine, really..."

Silence flooded them, until a gentle, knowing voice assured, "It was merely a dream."

"Right," Shinji agreed with a slight nod.

Kaworu laughed fondly. "That wild imagination of yours will get you into trouble one of these days, Shinji."

Cracking a smile himself, Shinji allowed himself to be pulled down, curling into Kaworu's protective form, their bodies fitting as if a puzzle. Hands interlocked, Kaworu absently played with Shinji's fingers, sighing tiredly into the crook of the brunette's shoulder. And though he longed to, Kaworu refrained from placing feather kisses along his neck and jawline, for he new Shinji would only be unnerved by the contact. It was a miracle he'd let himself be spooned like that; perhaps there was too much on his mind to be concerned by their position.

"What if...what if it's not my imagination, Kaworu?"

A pause, another release of breath. "All these silly things you're always thinking up..."

"They're not silly!," Shinji protested, shimmying out of Kaworu's hold and sitting up against his pillows.

Taken aback, Kaworu leaned on an elbow, ruby eyes locked with chocolate.

"You've created an entirely new world within your mind. Perhaps you are correct; it isn't silly, it's...rather remarkable. You're gifted, both artistically and intellectually, it seems."

Shinji broke the eye contact, flushing pink, staring at the sheets. "I'm not gifted, or special, or...or-"

"Now, don't start with this. You are the most important thing in this world to me, Shinji Ikari." He laughed, shaking his head. "You know, sometimes, I swear I was born just to meet you..."

At the remark, Shinji's heart raced rapidly, mouth opening and closing uselessly. "You..! I-I...! You said..!"

"Said what?"

Calming himself, Shinji explained. "You said that...in-in my dream. I heard your voice, and you said, 'I was born to meet you'..."

"How peculiar...," Kaworu murmured. "What else happened?"

"I don't want to think about it..."

With a tilt of the head, Kaworu urged onward. "Considering the inane dreams you usually have of giant robots destroying so called 'angels' and penguins living in refrigerators, I'd say this new one couldn't possibly be so awful."

"Misato really _does_ have a penguin, y'know," Shinji grumbled, embarrassed that Kaworu had memorized his previous dreams so precisely. "But...this one was about those robots and angels too...except...," he swallowed hard, clenching his eyes shut.

"Except...you were the angel...and I was forced to kill you!"

Kaworu hardly gave a reaction, only bringing the shaking boy into his warm chest, running lengthy fingers through dark locks. Shinji's frame quaked, timidly clutching Kaworu's orange top in his palms, heaving in deep breaths as sobs racked him.

"It was merely a dream," he repeated once more, lovingly stroking Shinji's hair. "You have nothing to fear; it is all made up."

"I have nothing to fear...nothing to fear."

Another kind smile. "Good."

Minutes passed where the only audio was even breathing, the occasional shuffle of blankets. Then: "...Kaworu?"

He shifted. "Yes, Shinji?"

Silence. Silence. Silence.

"Do you...would..." The sentence broke off into a heavy sigh. "You'd never lie to me...right?"

"Of course not. I do everything in my power to make you happy, I would never intentionally take away from that happiness with false words."

The way Kaworu's body tensed did not go unnoticed by Shinji, however he wrote it off as his own paranoia. "...Thank you."

Kaworu's eyes drifted shut, sighing contently. He leant down, and Shinji, understanding, stretched up to meet him. With merely a centimeter of space separating their lips-

_Awakening in a familiar bed of the recovery room, the third child blinked groggily. He took time to sort out all of the rapid thoughts plaguing his adolescent mind. Thoroughly, he began thinking over his bizarre dream. He could distinctly remember the boy he'd met at the beach just yesterday being involved, he recalled reassuring words spoken in a caring voice..._

_And of course, he could never forget what had occurred directly before he'd blacked out; obliterating the final angel._

_I mean, I love you._

**A/N: [fly me to the moon plays in the distance]**

**okay it kinda takes away the value of a story when i have to explain it, but i don't want any of y'all poor babes confused. so, to be short, all of the italicized parts are real life. the entire middle part was the actual dream. essentially, shinji is dreaming about dreaming. topsy turvy, i know.**

**another thing. i know this strays from canon a bit (bc i don't think shinji was in the hospital after he killed kaworu?) but. eh. hes in the hospital like every other episode anyway so lets just roll with it.**


End file.
